Family life
Recognized by the country's constitution and the family code as the "mother unit of the nation", family life is marked by three particular moments: birth, marriage and death. Extended to all degrees of kinship, the family is seen as both a unit of production and of social integration. The strong solidarity between members of the extended family is intended to banish the individualism that leads to social exclusion. However, a break has occurred within the extended family unit, with the socio-economic changes brought about by the colonial period, then the post-colonial period and now the country's urbanization. This breakdown is reflected in a gradual decline in traditional solidarities and individualization, sometimes leading to marginality, the most serious forms of which are delinquency, prostitution and the abandonment of children or the elderly. Today, the Congolese family is confronted with a cultural dualism, between the desire to preserve its identity and the need to integrate into a rapidly changing world influenced by Western culture.
Kinship regimes
Two kinship systems coexist in the DRC. The influence of the colonial era meant that most Congolese communities became patrilineal. In this kinship system, descent is passed down through the male line. Thus, a woman's children are not part of her kinship, but of her husband's. In the matrilineal, or matriarchal, system, kinship is passed down through the woman: social status and inheritance are transmitted not from a woman to her daughters, but from the woman's brothers to her daughters' brothers. The mother's brother, the maternal uncle, exercises authority. Today, a trend towards bilateral filiation, in which both sets of parents coexist, is confirmed in certain communities, notably the Lunda.
Lineage and clan
The strong solidarity that traditionally characterizes Congolese society depends on a solid structure underpinned first and foremost by ethnicity, within which individuals share a common cultural and linguistic heritage. But also, secondly, by the lineage, formed by a large family whose kinship goes back several generations. The lineage is the grouping of all those who are aware of the relationship of consanguinity that unites them from a common ancestor. The lineage has an internal hierarchy, with the elders in charge of the younger members, who owe them respect and consideration. Each individual has a well-defined role and place within the community, which is transmitted to him or her by age, wisdom, family affiliation, social origin, ethnicity, caste, etc.
The structure of consanguineous brotherhood takes shape in the clan. It's the foundation that brings together diverse identities who are aware of belonging to the same stock, even if most of the time they are scattered according to different fortunes. The clan is nevertheless endowed with an identity that cannot be confused. Clan names are ancient words, steeped in history, which refer either to ancestors or to mythical places.
Bereavement
In the Congo, the funeral ritual is very precise and steeped in tradition, although it is evolving as it adapts to practical contingencies, especially in the city. In Kinshasa and certain provinces, death has often become a time for celebration. The deceased is washed and his or her body displayed in a public place, the residence of the deceased often being too cramped to accommodate the multitude of people, acquaintances and strangers alike, who have come to attend the ceremonies, and incidentally to fill their stomachs. In mourning, families spend fortunes honoring the deceased and publicly expressing the sadness that accompanies this moment. It's also an opportunity for family and friends to compete in elegance of dress. Due to budgetary constraints, however, all these ceremonies have now been scaled back, although the mourning continues in the family for several days.
The burial is followed by family consultations to examine the new situation and resolve any related disputes (cause of death, division of inheritance, care of the children and possibly the widow by one of the brothers-in-law...). Death, especially when it involves a close relative, usually has a cause that must be detected. This gives rise to the many abuses we see today, in connection with the rise of revivalist churches and other religious sects, which generally point the finger of blame. It may be a disgruntled ancestor, the evil eye or the presence of a "child witch" in the family, who must then be chased away or exorcised.
Marital customs
The Congolese constitution enshrines the right of every citizen to marry the person of his or her choice, of the opposite sex, with a view to founding a family. While in traditional society, the formation of couples and marriage are still linked to certain customs (sibling marriages, tolerance of polygamy, unions with obligatory partners), these have all but disappeared among urban populations. Nevertheless, local mores regarding fidelity are much more flexible, particularly in the case of men. Many men maintain several wives or mistresses, modestly referred to as second, third or fourth "office".
Dowry and customary marriage. Another long-standing tradition involves the exchange of dowries between the two families of the future spouses. The husband's family negotiates the amount of the dowry with the bride's family (often the uncles) to determine its symbolic value. This is above all a disguised way of honoring the bride-to-be and her family, and showing that she will be welcomed by her in-laws. The dowry consists essentially of material goods, according to a list communicated by the bride's representatives and set according to the in-laws' income, ranging from crates of beer to goats or loincloths, not forgetting the bride's father's suit. This is a very important process throughout the Congo. The exchange of goods takes place during the customary marriage (a kind of engagement), prior to any other official steps and ceremonies celebrating the union (religious and civil marriages).
Women's place
In recent years, the urban, middle-class Congolese woman has freed herself from a series of obstacles to self-fulfilment, mainly of a sexist and traditional nature. The Congolese woman, and particularly the Kinoise woman, is now free of all complexes, from university to the office, from business to politics. At least for those with the right level of education and the network to take the social elevator. For most Congolese women, the imperatives of economic survival remain an obstacle to the practice of other activities apart from the typically feminine trades of hairdressing, sewing, cooking (the "3 Cs"), or market and retail sales. They are often confined to them, for lack of other outlets or formal education, and out of a need to keep the kettle (literally) boiling. In fact, it's women who most often bring in the household income.
Women's fundamental rights. For several years now, women's fundamental rights have been taken into account at a high level of government, with the creation of a "Ministry of Gender, Family and Children". Congolese women now have an official right to literacy, and can freely choose or leave a partner at any age without losing their rights. The constitution of the Third Republic also enshrines parity between men and women, while reinforcing women's role as wives and mothers, even though the biggest obstacle to women's development in the Congo remains the absence or lack of resources for birth control and sexual management. For some time now, campaigns have been denouncing a certain depravity of morals at work, particularly among young women in Kinshasa, encouraging them to refuse advances or sexual relations in exchange for gifts, money or flattery, usually from older married men, on whom they thus become financially dependent.
Sexual violence. In the east of the DRC, as elsewhere in the world, rape is a weapon of war used by various armed groups operating in these regions, to destabilize and destroy the traditional Congolese family structure, since women who have been raped become a source of shame for their families, and are often rejected... This makes it possible to take possession of territories and to plunder, without hindrance, the rich resources often present, for geopolitical ends. Dr. Denis Mukwege, winner of the 2018 Nobel Peace Prize for his reparations work on behalf of raped and mutilated women, has constantly denounced these practices and strategic designs to which Congolese women have been subjected for several decades. The widespread practice of rape has also led to changes in attitudes towards women and sexuality within Congolese society, which has been completely turned upside down and is losing its bearings in the face of this phenomenon, which all too often goes unpunished. This is despite the recent criminalization of rape as a crime under Congolese law.
Homosexuality
In the Congo, as elsewhere in Africa, homosexuality is not particularly tolerated or welcomed in societies that are still relatively traditional and strongly influenced by religion, which condemns this sexual orientation as deviant and immoral. Kinshasa and the big cities are hardly more progressive in this respect than rural areas... Whether you're a couple, straight or gay, Congolese or foreign, signs of affection and gestures of love must be relatively discreet (no passionate embraces on the street or in public places). Although in clubs or bars with "reserved areas", it's a different matter... On the other hand, you'll often see two men or two women holding hands in town, which in no way implies that they're a couple. It's simply a fairly common sign of affection here between friends or members of the same family.
